Loveless Before the Dawn
by artemis-nz
Summary: He's always the most loveless before the dawn. Soubi/Ritsuka.
1. Part One: Ritsuka

_Loveless. One without love._

How apt.

He can't breathe when he thinks about it, and so he closes his eyes and thinks about something else, anything, it doesn't matter what. The blood on his arm makes his eyes hurt, and so do the old scars, criss-crossing and meaningless. They mean nothing. He means nothing.

_Ritsuka. I love you, Ritsuka._

He doesn't dare believe it, because his Mother once loved him. And now she yells that he is not her son, she doesn't know him, she hates him, she'll hurt him, where is her son? She's yelling from the next room and his headphones don't block out the sound, just as his closed eyes don't block out the sight.

_To be without love. To be loveless._

Oh, but he's far more than that. He's lying on the bedroom floor and he's tearless, clothless, friendless, helpless, hopeless, sleepless, bloodless, sexless. He wants to pull off his ears and scream. He wants to drown in something. He wants to be lifeless sometimes - the only thing that he is not without. He wants Soubi, and he hates himself for that, maybe even more than his Mother does. She's crazy, and he hates it all. He wants to yell louder than she does, but now he's voiceless, his throat choked. He can't breathe again. He's thinking too loudly, and his fingers move all on their own to the phone. It'll be dawn in a few hours, and the world outside will be shattered panes of coloured glass. He can't take that, not again.

_I love you, Ritsuka. _

That's Soubi on the other end of the line, his voice close to Ritsuka's ear. Come get me, he says. That's an order. He falls asleep finally, dreamless. He wakes up later. Lightless, but Soubi's lying next to him, the scent of him filling Ritsuka's nose.

_And if he wasn't so spineless, he'd say he loved him too._

**A drabble, and my first Loveless fic. Reviews appreciated!**


	2. Part Two: Soubi

_Loveless. One who lives his life without the love of anyone. _

_Least of all of himself._

Soubi watches him sleep.

It was late when his cellphone rang - late enough for Soubi to be finishing his last cigarette. It had been raining and so the smell was of damp and earth and sweetness with a sharp tang of city. Late enough for Kio to be asleep, snoring and muttering pervert, Soubi. Soubi was about to answer automatically when the cellphone vibrated against his skin, and the light flashing at him from his hand, glowing in the dim light of the one lamp left switched on by the window so that Soubi could still see his reflection.

Come get me, Ritsuka said. An order. He had given an order. Soubi got up without a sound and left the house. He left Kio still snoring and the lamp still on.

Ritsuka was naked, his forehead resting against the floor and abandoned headphones a few feet away, looking like they had been roughly thrown. His tail curled around tangled limbs, and Ristsuka was all milk-pale skin and narrow hips and angled face and-

_-big dark eyes staring at him accusingly and guiltily-_

I love you, Ritsuka, he said, but his Sacrifice was asleep again. Perhaps he had been dreaming. Maybe of him. Soubi gathered him up in his arms. He was light, and he didn't stir as Soubi took him away from the house that had made him wish to sleep and never wake up again, and away from the red that stained carpetless cold floorboards.

Soubi lights up another cigarette when he gets back, and isn't surprised that Kio is still muttering, incoherently and not quite loudly enough for Soubi to shut him up. Nor is he surprised that, even when Soubi dresses Ritsuka and puts him to bed - his bed, their bed - the Sacrifice doesn't wake, doesn't even twitch a finger. Only the ears twitch independently for a moment before they too lie still. Ritsuka is cold and like a doll in Soubi's hands. A beautiful porcelain doll, white but for the very slight red wrists which Soubi thoughtfully wipes clean. It spoils the delicate whiteness of skin, that red. It is an eyesore.

Ritsuka. I love you. I'd do anything for you. I'd die for you.

The words are said to himself as well as to the boy lying so still in the bed. Ritsuka sleeps heavily, and Soubi would be more concerned if he didn't know that this is the first sleep Ritsuka has had for two days, if not more (Soubi hasn't watched Ritsuka sleep as much as he has watched him not sleep).

Ritsuka's skin warms up as Soubi rests beside him. He opens his eyes and remembers that the lamp is still on, and decides against getting up to switch it off. It glows throughout the night. Soubi hopes it will keep away the nightmares.

**The drabble turned into a short two-chapter fic. I hope everyone enjoyed this second chapter anyway. Please review!**


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